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Grannybal Lecter Retires After 14 Kills

— August 10, 2015

When I think back on my grandmother, a few happy memories come to mind: scary movie Saturdays when she served us homemade cookies and Kahlua-laced coffee (I was 12) and an attempted murder. Not exactly the kindly old lady who always has candy and a hug. Even so, my grandmother was an amateur compared to Tamara Samsonova, a 68-year-old babushka with a taste for murder… and the flesh of her victims. No need worry! Grannybal Lecter retires after 14 kills.

First reported in the UK Daily Star, Samsonova’s tale sounds like something out of a horror movie. Police arrested the Russian woman after CCTV footage showed her carrying various body parts in a plastic bag. The rest of the victim, Samsonova’s 79-year-old friend (I’d hate to see what she does to people she doesn’t like!), was found in a nearby pond.

OK, so they had an argument that got out of hand. Way out of hand. Samsonova is suspected of drugging her friend and chopping her to pieces while she was still alive. That’s not the worst of it, though. After her arrest, police conducted a search of Samsonova’s home and uncovered a series of her diaries.

She wasn’t writing about new cookie recipes or gout; our Grannybal Lecter detailed her other murders and the bizarre aftermath of each. At times, she would cook and eat parts of her victims. One entry tells the story of a man whose remains were found over ten years ago. His limbs and head had been severed. Another, even more chilling entry, recounts the murder of Samsonova’s own husband, reported missing in 2005.

The entry released to the media reads: “I killed my tenant Volodya, cut him to pieces in the bathroom with a knife. Put the pieces of his body in plastic bags and threw them away.”

Samsonova pleaded guilty to all of the murders. She claims she knew she would soon be captured and actually wanted to be arrested. She further claims that the bizarre murder of her friend was the end of her time as a cannibal. She has requested to be punished to the full extent of the law.

You decide, your honour,” she said to the judge. “I am guilty and I deserve a punishment.”

Well, I can’t say she’s wrong. I can say that I’m glad she and my grandmother never met. Forget Thelma and Louise! These two together would have made The Silence of the Lambs look like a Disney movie!


68-Year-Old Grandma Arrested After Killing and Eating 14 People

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