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Satan Sues Josh Duggar for Defamation

— September 9, 2015

Josh Duggar released a statement in which he blamed Satan for building a fortress around his heart (apologies to Sting) which allowed him to be a horndog off the leash. After he molested his sisters, cheated on his wife and confessed to a porn addiction, he’s seeking forgiveness. Karma isn’t so willing to let him off the hook, though. The former right-wing lobbyist lost his job, his family’s reality TV show was cancelled and his reputation is worthless.

Just as God almost had His day in court, it appears the Dark Lord may get one, too. An unnamed Emissary has been chosen to file on Old Nick’s behalf. After a child molester, philanderer and all around hypocrite blamed Him for the dirty deeds, Satan sues Josh Duggar for defamation.* Legal commentators are divided as to His chances for success. One source claims to have a direct quote from the plaintiff wherein He says, “It’s all about the principle.”

All kidding aside, the former reality TV star and recently outed pervert really is blaming the Devil for his misdeeds. Such misdeeds included taking “manual liberties” with a few of his sisters as a teenager, paying for an Ashley Madison account & cheating on his wife and developing a porn addiction worthy of a trip to Betty Ford (or wherever they send spank-addicts).

You heard it right, folks. None of these actions can possibly be attributed to Josh being a horndog caught in a repressive religious web of crazy. Nope. It’s all Satan’s fault; every last clandestine erection and purportedly shame-filled tissue can be laid at the Devil’s doorstep.

What a load! Man up and admit that you made those decisions, Mr. Duggar. The Devil did not type in your credit card information at Ashley Madison, nor did He Google “dirty girls showing their elbows.” That’s all on you (and probably your keyboard, eeww!).

However, that’s the one thing that folks like Josh Duggar cannot do: accept responsibility. It’s far easier to blame someone else, like his sisters (for being too arousing, as some have said) or a supernatural entity that can’t be asked directly if it was involved. Let’s not forget forgiveness. Molest your siblings? Cheat on your wife? Ask another supernatural entity for forgiveness and you’re good. Never mind that your sisters and wife may not be so thrilled.

While Satan may not get His day in court over being blamed for Pervo the Clown’s actions, Karma isn’t letting Josh Duggar off the hook so easily. Since “Duggargate” hit the news, all Hell has broken loose in the Duggar’s lives:

  • Their long-running TV show, 19 Kids and Counting (aka My Uterus Hates Me) was cancelled.
  • Josh Duggar got the boot from his gig lobbying with the so-far-right-they-fell-off-the-edge hatemongering Family Research Council.
  • Whatever good reputation Duggar and his family may have had disappeared quicker than a tapping toe in an airport restroom.
"Do as I say, not as I do."
“Do as I say, not as I do.”

Here is the statement (since removed from the family’s website) in its entirety:

“I have been the biggest hypocrite ever. While espousing faith and family values, I have secretly over the last several years been viewing pornography on the Internet and this became a secret addiction and I became unfaithful to my wife.

I am so ashamed of the double life that I have been living and am grieved for the hurt, pain and disgrace my sin has caused my wife and family, and most of all Jesus and all those who profess faith in Him.

I brought hurt and a reproach to my family, close friends and the fans of our show with my actions that happened when I was 14-15 years old, and now I have re-broken their trust.

The last few years, while publicly stating I was fighting against immorality in our country, in my heart I had allowed Satan to build a fortress that no one knew about.

As I am learning the hard way, we have the freedom to choose to our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences. I deeply regret all hurt I have caused so many by being such a bad example.

I humbly ask for your forgiveness. Please pray for my precious wife Anna and our family during this time.

Josh Duggar” [Emphasis added]

Whoa! Wait a minute!

“We have the freedom to choose our actions…”

What happened to “the Devil made me do it,” Josh? Do I sniff a scintilla of actual responsibility taking? Could it be that deep down inside you get that you royally messed up? Are you really sorry? Or, more likely, are you just sorry you got caught?

Based on the highlighted text, one can assume Satan will drop the suit*

*The suit itself is a joke. Sadly, the rest is the cold, hard, unforgiving truth.



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