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Satanic Temple Claims a 72-hour Waiting Period on Abortions Violates Members’ Free Exercise of Religion

— May 12, 2015


Out of the frying pan and into the fire! Earlier this month, the Ambassador for God got her suit against all homosexuals dismissed and now ol’ Mister Scratch gets His turn. In the great state of Missouri comes the Satanic Temple filing suit against the state under the state’s own Religious Freedom Restoration Act. The Satanic Temple claims a 72-hour waiting period on abortions violates members’ free exercise of religion.

The Temple is suing on behalf of Mary Doe, a member who was forced to undergo required counseling and medically irrelevant anti-abortion propaganda as well as the three-day wait, before she could have an abortion. Mary, and the Temple, asserts that these requirements directly contravene her religious beliefs. Satanists value self-determination and personal autonomy above almost all other things, with the exception of life itself (not currently defined as an embryo).

Readers may ask how such things injured Mary Doe’s right to free exercise of religion. The answer is simple according to the Temple: Self-determination and personal autonomy include the belief that a woman should be able to freely make “decisions regarding her health based on the best scientific understanding of the world, even if the science does not comport with the religious or political beliefs of others.”

Plaintiff prays (strictly in the legal sense) for an injunction against both Governor Jay Nixon and State AG Chris Koster, in addition to unspecified damages. The Temple would also like to overturn the abortion restrictions in their entirety. The Satanic Temple is “dedicated to seeing this case through, and we will fight — with every resource available to us — for bodily autonomy and personal sovereignty,” according to spokesperson, Lucien Greaves. It has even set up an IndieGoGo fundraiser to assist with legal fees.

Greaves added “Suddenly gone are the days in which Religious Privilege seemed to exist to the benefit of a single creed. All at once, the all-too-numerous flagrant theocrats holding public office across the nation are made to sullenly realize that Religious Liberty isn’t theirs alone. Hail Satan.”

“Well. Isn’t that special?” as Dana Carvey’s Church Lady character might ask. Yes, Church Lady, it is special, quite frankly. I’d bet that never in a million years did the drafters of the various RFRAs think, “Gee whiz, Gomer! This could really backfire on us!” I’m so certain of this that I’d bet my soul. Cheaters’ bet, really. Being a “Godless homo” among other things, I’m fairly certain I’ve got primo reservations for table service in Hell already.

Still, even if I can’t make that wager, I’m all for it. I’m sick and tired of certain people (Madame Ambassador, I’m looking at you!) harping about how the Founding Fathers made ‘Murica a Christian land when in fact, one of the most famous of those respected gents said:

“Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law.”

-Thomas Jefferson, letter to Dr. Thomas Cooper, February 10, 1814

So, what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. If denying me a beautiful seven-layer wedding cake in rainbow colors is supposed to be OK because “God,” then you’ll just have to let my sister Mary get rid of her little lamb now, won’t you?

Hmmm… Isn’t that special?


Satanists sue Missouri for religious exemption to antiabortion law: “Religious liberty isn’t theirs alone”

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