While it’s normal for the divorce to feel overwhelming, familiarizing yourself with the process can make it more manageable.
Deciding to end a marriage is never easy. It’s a choice often accompanied by lots of emotions—relief, grief, anxiety, and even hope.
But beyond the emotional experience, divorce is a process. For many, the practical, procedural steps can help them prepare in a meaningful way for the next stage of their lives.
That preparation starts with understanding. By breaking down the divorce process into clear steps, you can feel more in control of your experience.
How Does the Divorce Process Work?
While every divorce is unique, certain stages are common. Even in high-conflict situations, these stages serve as a roadmap, although they are not necessarily in a strict sequence.
For example, in some cases, parties may begin resolving issues before the divorce complaint is filed. Through mediation or informal negotiation, they can work toward a Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA), which details terms for issues like custody, child support, alimony, and division of assets; this can reduce the need for court involvement later on and set the stage for a smoother divorce.
The more familiar you are with the general process and steps involved, the more confidently you can work with your attorney to plan ahead. Here’s what you might encounter.
File a Divorce Complaint
A key step in a divorce is filing a complaint with the court, which sets the formal legal process in motion. This document outlines the reasons for your divorce, which might be no-fault, such as irreconcilable differences, or fault-based, like infidelity or abandonment.
The complaint typically includes details of the marriage, information about children, shared property, requests for preferred custody arrangements, spousal or child support, and asset division.
After filing, the complaint must be formally delivered or served to your spouse. This step officially informs them of the proceedings.
What if your soon-to-be ex refuses to respond to the complaint? In these cases, you may be able to receive a default judgment; just because one party refuses to participate in the process doesn’t mean you must remain married.
Answer and Counterclaim
Once served, the other spouse can file a response, but must do so within 35 days. This is their opportunity to accept or contest the statements made in your complaint.
If they have claims of their own and want their own relief from the court, they can file a counterclaim to present their argument. Filing a counterclaim is more than disagreeing with the original complaint—it establishes a separate one. This complaint may respond to the claims made but can also raise new ones.
Discovery
Discovery occurs immediately after a divorce complaint is filed. It involves exchanging details about finances, assets, debts, and potential witnesses. There are several ways to conduct discovery, from simple requests for documents to be produced to interrogatories (written questions under oath). However, if you are not in the court system, and are choosing to negotiate or address issues directly or via mediation, you likely are doing an exchange of documentation, or informal discovery, as part of that process.
Discovery typically begins with parties completing a Case Information Statement. This document details income, expenses, assets, and debts and includes monthly budgets, which are essential for determining how the divorce might affect both parties’ living standards.
Discovery produces a lot of paperwork, but it’s critical. Gathering this information gives your attorney the tools to advocate for you and sets the stage for fair negotiations or a well-prepared trial if necessary.
Court Appearances Involved in Divorce
Once the initial groundwork is laid, the process transitions to court-mandated steps that move the case forward efficiently while encouraging resolution outside of trial.
Keep in mind that these steps can vary between divorces. For example, if you and your soon-to-be ex are aligned on your distribution of assets, economic mediation likely wouldn’t be necessary.
Case Management Conference (CMC)
In New Jersey, once you or your soon-to-be ex file for divorce, the court may schedule a CMC. The CMC establishes timelines, addresses documentation requirements, and identifies any issues that need immediate attention, like temporary child custody or support orders.
This step is primarily administrative—you or your former partner don’t necessarily need to attend (but this varies from county to county, and sometimes judge to judge, so make sure to check with your lawyer). Simply put, the attorneys and the judge use this conference to ensure the case moves forward efficiently and set a foundation for later stages.
Early Settlement Panel (ESP)
Typically occurring after discovery, an Early Settlement Panel (ESP) is a mandatory step in New Jersey divorce cases. During an ESP, you and your soon-to-be ex share financial and custody issues with a panel of experienced family law attorneys.
An ESP is nonbinding, meaning you aren’t obligated to accept the recommendations. However, if the recommendations are accepted, the divorce can often be finalized on the same day. If they aren’t, the legal process will continue through additional avenues.
Economic Mediation
If you and your former partner disagree on how to divide assets or handle other financial issues, like spousal support or child support, during the ESP, New Jersey courts require mandatory economic mediation.
A neutral mediator steps in to guide negotiations and help find common ground on the financial aspects of your divorce, aiming to reach a fair settlement and avoid the cost and stress of a trial.
If mediation doesn’t work, the process moves on to an Intensive Settlement Conference or, if all else fails, a trial.
Parenting Time and Custody Mediation
Because the courts recognize that working out parenting time and custody issues outside of the courtroom leads to less conflict, the divorce process has mandatory mediation sessions built into it.
This step involves meeting with a neutral mediator to work through disagreements regarding custody and parenting schedules in a constructive environment. The intention is to encourage greater cooperation between parents and create a plan that centers on the child’s best interests.
Intensive Settlement Conference (ISC)
An ISC is generally the last effort to settle a case without a trial. It’s more formal than previous negotiations with both parties, their legal counsel, and a judge present.
At this point, all discovery generally has been completed. This means that both parties should have fully disclosed financial and other relevant information, allowing both parties to prepare final settlement positions, which will be presented to the court.
This step provides a temperature check on how a judge might rule if the case proceeds to trial, which can often motivate a greater willingness to compromise.
If a resolution is reached, the outcome of an ISC may include a finalized settlement agreement. If no agreement is reached, the judge may provide guidance on unresolved issues or outline the next steps, ultimately preparing the case for trial.
Divorce Trial (if necessary)
The idea of going to trial can be stressful, especially when you’re just starting the divorce process. However, a trial isn’t an inevitable conclusion! As explored above, there are many steps between deciding to get divorced and litigation, with many legal processes built in to help you avoid a trial.
But remember, even if a trial becomes necessary, it’s simply another step toward resolution. The right attorney can help prepare you for what to expect and build a robust legal strategy to protect your interests during court.
What’s most important during this time is feeling informed. While it’s normal for the divorce to feel overwhelming, familiarizing yourself with the process can make it more manageable. From knowing what documentation you need to provide to how to prepare for court appearances, this knowledge helps you make thoughtful decisions along the way.
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