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Discovering Lawful Divorce Secrets and Successes

— December 14, 2023

When both parties agree in finality, the full outcome of the divorce is clear and purposeful.

There is a pivotal recognition to be made before the divorce process begins and it is simply that the trust between two individuals is broken. It doesn’t matter why, why not, who did what, or for how long; the trust is broken. Where there was a couple, with some joint reasons for marrying, there are now two individuals with singular purposes. For this reason, many individuals move toward hardline positions during the divorce process. After all, if there is no trust, there will be few, if any, easily-arrived agreements.  

The mutual trust is gone, but the pivotal need to join forces in creating a workable divorce remains. At this point, you’ll need to consider some profound issues: the cost of a full divorce proceeding in court, the length of time it will take for a court hearing, the complexities of separation, money issues, etc. and ask yourself, “Should I instead consider looking for mediators for divorce near me?” This is the best time to consider a legal divorce mediator to smooth the way to a successful divorce process.

Is it possible to discover secrets leading to any kind of success in a divorce? Yes, on the following condition: Are you able to move your “absolutely not” game piece toward a “possibilities exist” square on the board? If so, you’ve just made the best possible first move. In the following, we’ll first unwrap the secrets to be found in the process and then reveal the results of successfully completing your divorce together. 

Secret 1: Reducing the Stress

According to the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory¹, the second-highest stress level in adulthood is divorce; the first is the death of a spouse. It’s no surprise that individuals in the midst of a separation leading to divorce feel the emotions and discord of the season in which they live. How can stress be reduced during this time? 

The first secret is clear: retain the services of a legal divorce mediator to oversee the divorce. The mediator will work as a neutral third-party to assist both individuals to secure solutions in multiple issues. A divorce mediator can very effectively move issues through conversations to completion and, when needed, can assist parties in considering alternatives, best-possible solutions, and other creative concepts that help reduce stress. 

Retaining a divorce mediator in your area will bring relief financially, as one divorce mediator will work with both parties to find resolution on divorce issues. This is financially a better choice than employing two lawyers working on separate filings with diverse client goals. A legal divorce mediator can work effectively in a schedule that is abbreviated, which also reduces stress. Questions that would typically hang in uncertainty can be addressed and solved in mediation and often lengthy waits for court dates are eliminated entirely. 

Stress is also reduced when the immediate issues can be solved quickly and efficiently. This is particularly true in child custody issues where the questions of living arrangements and parental custody can become embroiled in hard conversations. When individuals work together peacefully, through guided third-party assistance, solutions can be found much more readily. Decisions made quickly in this arena significantly reduce the stress on children.

Secret 2:  Retaining the Equity

Although you may have assumed this secret relates to your equity in a piece of real estate or other valuable asset; however, the second secret of a successful divorce is found in retaining the equity in the relationship. The vast percentage of marriages have built equity in the relationship including time and experiences for the betterment of the couple or family together. For example, vacations were selected based on what the family chose together, furnishings were chosen with both partners in mind, and a dog or cat was adopted by the children together. 

These experiences and choices build an intangible form of equity in the marriage. This equity can be tapped during divorce mediation to assist in decision-making, particularly when discussing vacation schedules, parental custody and spousal support or alimony. Before meeting with your divorce mediator, write out the ways in which you personally built equity in the years of your marriage–not to be used as a weapon against your former partner, but as a reminder of equity that can be retained as special memories of the family or the partnership. Enter mediation with this remembrance of equity in mind. 

Secret 3:  Retrieving the Trust

Couples Face Unique Challenges During Covid-19
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When making the choice to use a divorce mediator instead of retaining separate attorneys and moving toward divorce court, you’ll work together to make critical choices. Although the trust in general is at least partially broken, you can retrieve enough trust to work with each other. Again, this means you’ll be open to some possibilities and compromise, even when you may not feel the emotional grounding to do so. You’ll be willing to at least consider possibilities based on previous trust held and shared; this is how the trust can be partially retrieved. With enough trust between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse, the more difficult choices can be discussed and agreed upon without discord.

Secret 4: Revealing the Possibilities

Not surprisingly, when individuals determine to come to a divorce mediator with peaceful goals and expectations in mind, there are positive possibilities that may be revealed through the process. For example, one partner may find the other will want to take the children on a tour of a national park during an upcoming summer vacation. The other partner can offer to assist in helping the children plan and prepare or map out the routes. Such positive interaction assures children of the love and commitment of both parents, despite the separation of divorce. Additionally, possibilities are revealed through collaboration during mediation, which opens the door for future alliances and collaboration between divorced individuals.

Secret 5: Respecting the Success 

A legal divorce mediator will guide and help direct decisions, while two individuals, carrying a small amount of trust in the other, will find their way through the divorce process by examining possibilities together and creatively solving issues. The legal divorce mediator acts as the conduit for the two individuals to join in agreement and paves the way for a thoughtful, effective divorce settlement. The secrets to be found in the process include respecting the success of the divorce. When both parties agree in finality, the full outcome of the divorce is clear and purposeful. Respecting the success of the divorce means that, if individuals ever need to come to future agreements, they can carry the satisfying back story of their divorce to secure future agreements and collaboration, as well.  



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