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Sex Therapy: What Men and Women Should Know


— July 13, 2020

Success in therapy will depend on how committed you are to the process. If you put in the effort, you might achieve your sexual goals. It’s vital to know that any therapy session doesn’t involve sexual activities or physical contact between the therapist and the client.


You might have the notion that therapy just isn’t for you. However, there are times when working through the difficult stuff, such as sex issues, needs help from a neutral party, who’s also a licensed professional. Sex therapy is like an intimacy tuneup and could be the solution you’re looking for.

Have you lost that sex drive? Or, you’re looking to spice things up in the bedroom but don’t know how to bring the subject up? Perhaps you wish you and your partner had better, less, or more sex? Both men and women face sex problems at some point. Most of these issues stem from one thing: Poor communication. Multiple studies reveal that couples who communicate well have better sex lives. They don’t shy away from asking for what they want, and sex isn’t a taboo topic.

Not everyone is comfortable discussing intimate matters, whether a therapist is in the picture or not. In this article, we’ll talk about how to revamp your sex life and what women and men should know about sex therapy. Let’s get started.

What is Sex Therapy?

This is a type of therapy that aims at helping people with matters related to sexual intimacy. Derek Polonsky, a psychiatrist, linked to Harvard Medical School, reports that about 30 to 50 percent of individuals will have a long-term sexual matter at one some point. As such, although it might not always be comfortable to address sexual concerns such as lack of sex, they’re definitely not unusual.

Benefits of Sex Therapy

You can go for therapy on your own or with your partner. Although many people find it hard to open up about sex more so with a professional they’re not used to; sex therapy offers some of the following benefits:

  • Improves or restores sexual health
  • Helps you to gain more confidence
  • Enables you and your partner to communicate more
  • It works towards helping you have a more satisfying sex life

Choosing A Sex Therapist

A sex therapist can either be a professional physician, psychologist, therapist, or social worker who provides comprehensive counseling to individuals having some kind of sexual issue. Certified therapists have an advanced degree in psychology, counseling, therapy, or a related field. They also have credentials from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), whose certification has to be renewed after three years.

When selecting a therapist:

Enquire about the therapist’s professional training in specific areas and human sexuality. Besides, consider what you prefer, a male or female therapist? While all sex therapists are taught to address sexual matters that affect both women and men, some people feel more comfortable opening up about their sexual issues to a therapist of the same gender. Also, ask a potential therapist the following questions:

  • What do they consider normal in sex? You don’t want to go to a therapist with a fixed and rigid idea in sex matters.
  • Ask the therapist some of their approaches to therapy. If the therapist only uses one method, you might want to keep looking. Sex therapy can’t work with a standard approach.

What to Expect During Sex Therapy?

Usually, clients go to the therapist’s office. The length and frequency of the sessions will depend on the client and the issue being addressed. It’s normal to feel anxious the first time you see a sex therapist. In fact, many people feel awkward talking about sex, particularly with a stranger.

Happy couple. Man, woman, and therapist; image by Freepik, via Freepik.com.
Happy couple. Man, woman, and therapist; image by Freepik, via Freepik.com.

But, most therapists will recognize you’re struggling and work towards making you feel comfortable. Usually, the therapist will start by enquiring about your health, sex education, sex background, beliefs about sex, and your specific concerns.

Sex therapists assign homework that you’ll be expected to complete at home. Such homework may include:

  • Sensate Focus – The technique focuses on helping reduce anxiety while building intimacy and trust. Couples start with non-sexual touching, move to genital touching, and finally end with penetration.
  • Experimentation – For couples who feel their sex life is in a rut, the therapist might ask you to try various activities such as adjusting sexual positions or routine.
  • Communication Strategies– Here, you practice asking for what you need or want emotionally or sexually in a relationship. You also practice things to say during sex.

Success in therapy will depend on how committed you are to the process. If you put in the effort, you might achieve your sexual goals. It’s vital to know that any therapy session doesn’t involve sexual activities or physical contact between the therapist and the client.

Putting to Bed Common Misconceptions About Seeing a Therapist and Sex Therapy

Sex is a perfectly natural and normal part of life, and it’s great to want support. Many people suffer from their sexuality, just as they may struggle with the direction to take in life and with issues such as anxiety.

Family therapy sex from a qualified and experienced sex therapist will help you have the sex life you’ve always desired, and that you deserve. Have you been to a sex therapist? If so, please share your experience with us.

Join the conversation!