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The Exodus Strategy

— June 11, 2015


“We need a Promised Land. We need an Exodus strategy. Are there any governors or legislatures out there among the 50 states willing to secede to offer a refuge for the God-fearing?” This is the heartfelt plea from WorldNetDaily founder and editor Joseph Farah, begging governors to secede from the union if SCOTUS allows gay marriage. If his fervent prayer fails to get answered, Farah states that other countries that outlaw gay marriage should get ready for “a pilgrimage by millions of Americans” running away from married gays.

All I can say is, “May I help you pack?”

This has been an especially challenging week for me. Each day I am greeted by one piece of utter asshattery or another, so many that I literally have to shut down the computer to prevent my blood pressure from spiking to the point that I blow like a watermelon at a Gallagher performance.

But this one… This one, ugh. I honestly had to double-check to make sure it wasn’t a satire. Sadly, it’s not. This “God fearing Christian” (who’s apparently forgotten that Jesus is alleged to have said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself”) actually wants this exodus to happen if SCOTUS rules in favor of gay marriage.

He must have read it. After all, he found this quote, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh.” Then again, maybe he only read the parts he liked and skipped over the whole “love” section. It happens.

He goes on to say, “The founders of this country found a place of refuge in America and shaped it into the greatest self-governing nation in the history of world. Just think what one state could do if it simply stuck to the principles that made this country great? Americans wouldn’t have to cross an ocean to rediscover what brought most of our ancestors here. We could simply drive.”

Um… Apparently, he missed the part of American history where Thomas Jefferson said religion had no place in government. I’m sensing a theme here… Could it be “cherry picking” quotes and rewriting history?

In another part of his impassioned plea, he asks, “Is there one state in 50 [at least he can count!] that would not only defy the coming abomination, but secede in response? The rewards could be great. I would certainly consider relocating. How about you?”

Again: May. I. Help. You. Pack?

The pièce de résistance of his homophobic prayer is this bit of utter lunacy:

“We don’t have much time before the nine high priests in black robes decide to follow Baal instead of the One True God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”

Putting aside the fact that sedition is a crime, where-oh-where does he think he’ll go? The logistics are mind numbing. Obviously, no governor is going to answer his fervid plea with a hearty “Come on over!” That leaves other anti-gay marriage countries. Perhaps Mr. Farah should friend Putin on Facebook and discuss the issue? The shirtless wonder of Russia may just be ecstatic about hosting millions of displaced Christian capitalists. And I’m sure that Mr. Farah and his ilk would work very hard to assimilate into the culture of their Promised Land.

I’m also fairly certain that aviatory simians will explode from my alimentary canal.

Oh, I know! Let’s hook Mr. Farah up with ISIS! They hate homosexuals! I’m sure that they’d love to have Mr. Farah and the wandering Christians join their ranks. I’m equally sure that Mr. Farah and his phobic followers would gladly convert to Islam. After all, same god, right? Jehovah, Allah. You say tomato…

Yeah. I didn’t think so either.

As a last resort, Mr. Farah and his ilk could always go to California. Moses hit a rock and got water, maybe Mr. Farah could do the same. Then again, if he and his followers are as dry and lifeless as his version of Christianity, they may never notice the drought.


Conservative Pundit: Millions Will Flee America, Demand Secession Over Gay Marriage


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