Pursuing a sudden divorce from an abusive partner can be an emotionally-charged prospect. You should always prioritize your safety by making solid plans and communicating the risks to trustworthy parties.
The prospect of divorce is difficult at the best of times. You know it represents the best chance for both you and your spouse to lead more positive separate lives. However, there are still usually a lot of emotional elements surrounding it. This can be made more complicated when your partner has been abusive to you or your children.
In these instances, it is not unusual for there to be a variety of concerns. The imperative for a swift separation is clear. But this is often compounded by well-founded fears about your partner’s potential reaction to your choice to end your relationship. The good news is there are strategies and resources to help you to make your move safely.
Let’s take a look at a few of the key areas you can focus on.
Make a Secure Plan
Any fair divorce requires some planning and consideration. When there’s an abusive partner involved, it can feel as though time is against you in this regard. However, making even the most basic plan can help you to feel more in control of the situation and avoid mistakes that might compromise your wellbeing.
This plan could take into account:
- Timetable
Create a timetable for the process of removing yourself from the situation. If you need to formalize this, it is usually best to do so on a secure cloud-based document your partner can’t gain access to. Be as thorough as you can, as this can give you the confidence of having a solid roadmap. List the most appropriate days and times to attend to specific actions in which your partner won’t be around. If you’re leaving the family home, plan to move your most important documents and belongings out to a safe location, followed by you and any children.
- Finances
Table with laptop, plant, pen, notepads, and a sign reading “Finance: Funding, Saving, Benefit.” Image by Rawpixel, via Unsplash.com.
Enacting a sudden divorce can be an expensive prospect. If you’re fortunate enough to have assets, consider which ones you can liquidate. If you’re the sole beneficiary of an inherited property, this is usually not considered a joint asset in a divorce. Putting a house on the real estate market can take some time, but there are ways to arrange a cash sale that can be executed much more quickly. Home buying companies are specializing in swift processes. But it’s vital to take steps like doing a little background research and knowing the value of the property to get what you deserve. Building plans to gain these emergency finances can be key to making a clean break.
Communicate the Risks
Divorce can feel like a lonely process. Experiencing an abusive relationship often serves to heighten this sense. It’s important to remember you are not alone. People and organizations genuinely want to help you achieve your safe independence. Reach out and communicate the risks you are facing.
Friends and family can be difficult first contact here. They likely have relationships with both you and your spouse and may have no idea abuse is a factor in your marriage. Consider carefully who you can trust in this scenario, at least for the initial process. Talk to those most likely to be supportive of you throughout your transition. Make sure they know what the level of risk is and arrange systems of communication for emergencies. If you feel as though you’re immediately in danger, enlist them to help you to leave the home immediately. If you don’t have a place to go, they can help you to make contact with temporary shelter organizations.
Friends and family are vital means of support, but they won’t always have expertise. As part of your planning process, it can be wise to communicate the risks of your relationship to professionals. A family lawyer handling your divorce may have a partner in your firm specializing in criminal law. This expert can clarify whether the abuse you’ve experienced falls under the legal definition of assault and battery, which is wrapped up in both your fear of harm and experiencing physical abuse. It can be important to make these distinctions as there are a variety of degrees and forms this takes. This isn’t just vital for pursuing charges. If you’re also informing the police of the potential risks of your leaving your partner, it is wise to accurately describe what you’ve experienced in the past so you can get the support you need.
Keep Moving Positively
Going through a divorce — particularly where abuse has been involved — can be a negative process. There’s no denying it’s difficult. Indeed, if you’re living in a state in which you need to pursue a limited divorce before an absolute divorce you may feel in limbo for a while. However, your mental and emotional health needs to find ways to emphasize the positive aspects of the situation. Remember, you’re making these plans to give yourself the best chance at a new life. This is an empowering expression of your strength and independence.
You can start by reviewing your individual ambitions. Focusing on some career goals can be a great way to underline your talents and start actions beneficial for you and any kids you have. Take a little time to create a new resume that can grab employers’ attention and communicate your achievements. This shouldn’t just be a description of your job responsibilities. Use language contextualizing how your specific skills and actions impacted the results of projects. This not only demonstrates your contribution to a business’s success but also serves as a personal reminder you have a great deal to offer. Pursue the paths most meaningful to you; you deserve opportunities to thrive.
Conclusion
Pursuing a sudden divorce from an abusive partner can be an emotionally-charged prospect. You should always prioritize your safety by making solid plans and communicating the risks to trustworthy parties. Remember that beyond this period is a positive future. This process may not be easy, but you are making changes to help gain your independence.
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