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Weird Crimes

Some Strange Things are Happening During This Pandemic

— April 1, 2020

COVID-19 hasn’t exactly been bringing out the best in everyone.

The COVID-19 virus has a lot of people doing strange things. For one, lack of hand sanitizer availability has led to an influx of Tito’s Handmade Vodka sales and the company desperately attempting to communicate the impossibility of making homemade sanitizer from its product.

Apparently taking half of the message from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicating washing one’s hands is the best way to get rid of germs, or if water isn’t available, using an alcohol-based hand sanitizer that contains at least 60% alcohol will work, consumers are opting to substitute the traditional disinfectant with straight vodka.  However, as the company points out on Twitter, “Tito’s Handmade Vodka is 40% alcohol, and therefore does not meet the current recommendation of the CDC.”  So, guess there’s nothing left to do then enjoy a few good martinis with the extra stock.

Some Strange Things are Happening During This Pandemic
Photo by Fred Moon on Unsplash

If that isn’t strange enough, in these times of social distancing and relying on the internet to stay updated on the latest developments, some are evidently feeling too cooped up and becoming extremely paranoid.  Cape Coral Police officers responded to an apartment complex after they received a call about a disturbance.  When the officers arrived, they discovered Joseph Newell, 24, attacking a pregnant woman who he claimed has COVID-19.  They could hear “yelling” and “thudding,” according to the police report.  The arresting officer noted in the affidavit that authorities “could see a male straddling the victim with what appeared to be his hands or arms around the victim’s neck area.”

The female victim was months pregnant.  Her face was allegedly “covered in blood” and she “was crying for him to get off,” according to police.  Newell, who they noted was “intoxicated, didn’t halt attacking the woman when police asked him to stop.”  An officer had to “apply a pain compliance” to his neck “in an effort to get him to comply.”  Newell fought the arrest, and allegedly “began rambling about [the victim] having COVID-19 and then began banging his head on the cement ground” (why?) even after police had attempted to constrain him.

The victim told police she had been attacked for forty minutes.  The report did not state whether she and Newell know each other or how Newell arrived at the conclusion she had the virus.  It also didn’t specify concerning the condition of the unborn child.  The arrest report does note in the charge description that the “offender knew/should have known that the victim is pregnant.”  Newell has been charged with aggravated battery and is being held on a $15,000 bond.

In other strange COVID-19 news, The Anson, Texas, Police Department has decided that the chaos has gone on long enough and is requesting that ‘all criminal activities stop’ during the reminder of the pandemic.  In a social media update, the police department said, likely attempting to make light of a heavy situation, “Due to the coronavirus, the Anson Police Department is asking that all criminal activities stop until further notice.  We thank you for your anticipated cooperation in the matter.  We will update you when we deem it’s appropriate to proceed with yo bad selves.”  If only it were that easy.


Folks, You Can’t Use Tito’s Vodka to Make Hand Sanitizer

Florida Man Allegedly Attacks Pregnant Woman He Thinks Has Coronavirus Disease

Anson police asks that ‘all criminal activities stop’ during COVID-19 pandemic

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